Whilst standing in the shop at Kelvingrove Art Gallery I spot an old lady in her seventies. The said lady picks up a marble for sale from a basket of similar marbles. It appears she is convinced it is a “bouncy ball”. To my eye it is clearly a marble because of its size, weight and it has the classic marble design running through it. Considering the vintage of the lady I assume she’d know that it is a marble and NOT a bouncy ball because during her childhood marbles would have been the game of choice and she would be able to identify one …clearly not!
Back to the story, the old lady continues to hold the marble like a bouncy ball. Then the inevitable happens, she tries to bounce it… of course it shatters into millions of tiny fragments!
OAP’s you can’t take them anywhere!
A simple sign saying “Warning these are marbles and will shatter if bounced like a bouncy ball!” This would definitely ensure that this type of episode is not repeated – Simples!
We cannot have old people going round destroying marbles that are works of art and part of our national heritage. Once someone can’t distinguish between a marble and a bouncy ball it really is time to be ship them off to a good old care home!
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What is Skelpt Arse?
To use a splendid bit of sadly, now seldom-used Scottish vernacular, whose 'arse' definitely needs 'skelpt'?
Who or what has been letting you down, letting our magnificent country down or who generally needs brought into line. Politicians? Overly politically-correct-mandarins? Jobsworth civil-servants? Service industry specialists who've not been servicing? You tell us!
We've got a sliding scale of 'skelpitness' from a light smack or a pure, red, stinger? You decide!