Narrow-minded on Broadband

Average speeds vs advertised speeds


Broadband companies use the word ‘broad’ in the broadest possible sense and their adverts are peppered with broad claims for ‘possible’ and ‘theoretical’ broadband speeds for your Internet connection. Broadly speaking, most of these are broadly horseshit and bear no broad resemblance to what you ACTUALLY get. There’s loads of amazing HD stuff on the internet and some of it isn’t even porn. Trouble is, I can’t get any of it. If I want to look at broads I don’t want to wait or have stuttering images. It’s not like this in some places erm…abroad.


The problem is, it’s our country’s ageing infrastructure that’s causing the problems. The times when EVERYONE was with ‘British Telecom’ have left a legacy of patch-it (dare I say bodge-it), quick fixes and a ‘blame’ culture where it’s easy to place the blame at the doors of Governments from decades ago, or firms who should have invested 20 years ago but didn’t, or couldn’t.

Ofcom certainly needs to get a LOT tougher but they also need to launch the equivalent of an independent ‘skelpt arse‘ site to let people clearly highlight the inadequacies. This site address should HAVE to appear, by Law, on all the ads who claim they can wire you to the moon. Nobody complains to their Internet provider because it takes bleedin’ ages (and sometimes costs money) on the phone, so most people grumble and tend to not get too bothered. If there was one site, call it www.Internet, where everyone swapped tall tales and it had to be featured on the ISP’s websites BY LAW, that would be good. It would prevent them telling porkies because everyone would look at the REAL story by clicking on the website. A bit like ‘Trip Advisor‘, for broadband firms. Yes, that would work, get it sorted Government, mandarins!


Most of the ISP’s seem to be telling porkies, is there ONE that’s willing to stick their head above the parapet and be totally, 100% honest?

Give em a slap
Light SlapMild SlapSlap them around a bitHard SlapYer Skelpt! (16 slaps, average: 4.50 out of 5)
Loading ... Loading ...
  • E-mail this story to a friend!
  • Facebook
  • TwitThis
  • Technorati
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • RSS
  • Digg
  • NewsVine
  • Google
  • LinkedIn


  • Oh how I wish I could give this a double, nae, triple, nae quadruple – you get the picture – slap. How much longer will this go one? #broadbandfail for sure!

  • If Scotland wan’t to be intae ‘Digital Innovation’ they have to get this sorted. At St Andrew’s Bay, only of our ritziest hotels, you can’t even get a mobile phone signal. Crap connectivity=inability to compete, simples.

Leave a comment

What is Skelpt Arse?

To use a splendid bit of sadly, now seldom-used Scottish vernacular, whose 'arse' definitely needs 'skelpt'?

Who or what has been letting you down, letting our magnificent country down or who generally needs brought into line. Politicians? Overly politically-correct-mandarins? Jobsworth civil-servants? Service industry specialists who've not been servicing? You tell us!

We've got a sliding scale of 'skelpitness' from a light smack or a pure, red, stinger? You decide!

Submit yours

Latest tweets

A Creating Sparks Production

Skelpt Arse is a Dunning Design initiative