It’S NO Disaster…or is it?


It’s that time of year again, WINTER and we know from experience that this means it will SNOW.  Or do we? You wouldn’t think so from the disasters that have ensued over the last fortnight? People having to walk home because there are no trains, no buses, no taxis, complete gridlock on all major roads with journeys taking 12 hours to travel 12 miles. People having to sleep in their cars on the motorways, kids sleeping in schools and a complete halt to the Postal service.

How many people have been snowed in and unable to get to work? How much money has been lost in an already struggling economy? The impact of this snow, or more precisely, the authorities failure to deal with it adequately will be felt for a long time to come.

Snow ploughs, gritters, refuse collection, salt, grit – FFS what are they? We haven’t seen hide nor hair of them since the first, fluffy, flake fluttered from the sky weeks ago.


Dib, dib, dib – be prepared, it’s not rocket science!


The good citizens of Great Britain have taken to clearing the roads themselves because it’s their only option. Whilst it’s great to see the community all pull together in a time of crisis, you can’t keep expecting the ordinary Joe in the street to do this indefinitely government boys! Consider your arses truly skelpt and we want to know “What are you doing to sort it out?” and “Don’t gie us any o’ yer shite patter either.”

Give em a slap
Light SlapMild SlapSlap them around a bitHard SlapYer Skelpt! (35 slaps, average: 4.69 out of 5)
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  • Whit, I said, Whit are they playing at? That Stewart Stevenson shuid be ashamed o’ hi’sel and his erse red raw fae a guid skelptarse?

  • Well laughing warms you up – you’ve just proved that! Ho ho ho.

  • Seems to be the same tale each year. But there is some room for Social Responsibility. Our neighbours on the Continent routinely clear the snow from their own driveways AND the footpath in front of their property. This makes it passable on foot even if the snowploughs can’t get through to let the cars out. So maybe all those who didn’t bother deserve a skelp as well

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What is Skelpt Arse?

To use a splendid bit of sadly, now seldom-used Scottish vernacular, whose 'arse' definitely needs 'skelpt'?

Who or what has been letting you down, letting our magnificent country down or who generally needs brought into line. Politicians? Overly politically-correct-mandarins? Jobsworth civil-servants? Service industry specialists who've not been servicing? You tell us!

We've got a sliding scale of 'skelpitness' from a light smack or a pure, red, stinger? You decide!

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Skelpt Arse is a Dunning Design initiative