Accusation

Glasgow South MP for Labour, Tom Harris has resigned from his post as erm…the party’s social media advisor for Scotland after likening Alex Salmond to Hitler using footage from the film Downfall!

“Isn’t that what politician’s always do, slag each other off?” I hear you cry! The old joke springs to mind – “How can you tell when a politician is lying?…when their lips are moving!”

What I want to know is; What’s the difference between having a go at the opposition in the media (press, chat shows, radio, TV etc.) and doing it on a social media platform where there is an obvious right to reply?

Recommendation

Tom – “When are we going to see one about the Conservatives and the Lib Dems?” Maybe some people just have too much time on their hands?

Representation

C’mon Alex let’s see your retort about Tom!

Social Media Benchmark findings and panel debate, 15 February at Bloomberg London, UK.

Accusation

WTF!  Ticket Barriers at Central Station, Glasgow

At first I thought the new barriers were having teething problems as they rejected my ticket, or maybe I just had a duff ticket.  But NO, a couple of months down the line regardless of my ticket – daily, weekly or monthly the barriers refuse to let me though – “beep beep beep” all the bloody time.

I guess part of the reason for installing the barriers was to save on staff checking tickets BUT now the barriers seem to be staffed with folk overriding them manually to let us punters with our tickets through – go figure!

NetworkRail you really have excelled yourself this time.

Recommendation

How about introducing swipe cards like the Oyster card.  There are tons of benefits; faster management of foot traffic flow at peak times, you can top them up, valid on different travel systems and finally you can buy them online, removing even more labour intensive tasks currently employed to hold up the traveller.

Representation

We await your reply – no doubt your response will be delayed!

Accusation

Whilst walking through Central Station I was accosted by the sight of a rotund man who was not only stretching the boundaries of “middle age” to the extreme, but was also sporting an offensive beard plait!

I defy anyone to call this normal or acceptable behaviour!

Recommendation

A BIG pair of scissors, followed by a skelptarse for such odious deportment.

Representation

I await the case for the defence…

Accusation

Whilst take a scenic stroll down the newly paved  up and coming Clydeside, Glasgow, taking in the view whilst the sun ravished the rippling depths of the river Clyde, I almost skidded on some Elephant sized dumplings… Policemen on their horses trotted away in the distance, up on their “high horses”, ready themselves to reprimand – “do as I say “- to our public.

Is it not undeserving that we should have to suffer the stenchy life sized poos that are dropped without thought on our paths and roads when most of us who have dogs, are very much aware how offensive it can be to step on a poo – a dog’s poo, a giraffe’s poo, a monkey’s poo … yes, especially a horse’s poo!?  We use our poobags.  We put the poo in the bin…Poo scoops?  Poo bins? cCme on work with me here!

Recommendation

Training the horses to use the loo would be another option. Po(o)tty train them!

Or I would suggest, that every Police officer uses a spade that is on a long handle, and can be reached down from their High Horse so that every piece of poo is picked up.  It’s an absolute disgrace to be faced with this size of poo on a warm summer’s day. YICK!  No one likes to be met with a big poo.  NO ONE.  Unless you’re a fly I suppose.

And why should it be different for the POOlice?  Should they not be setting Poo standards?  I think a citizen should be able to arrest the POOlice horse or the POOlice officer for any unattended POO.

Representation

We await a response from the POOlice on why they can’t implement the apparatus shown above.

Accusation

They say a “picture paints a thousand words”.

If the claims reported on Pocket-Lint, Yahoo, Twitter, Twitpic et al prove to be true and this is a genuine photograph of a looter showing off his haul during the recent Tottenham riots, then this is a great case of Social Media for Good, albeit in horrible and tragic circumstances.  Obviously the law of the land in the United Kingdom is innocent until proven guilty and this might just be a picture of a guy pleased with what Santa has delivered to him for being such a good boy…

Recommendation

If the accusations that this is a genuine picture of a looter and his haul from the Tottenham riots are true, then this guy deserves the book to be thrown at him – HARD!  I think that the majority of people would agree that looting is a terrible crime.  Openly bragging about your ill gotten gains on a social media network like Twitter is just plain stupid!  Again, if the claims are true, then this guy needs to stay inside for a long time for his own safety, because stupidity on this level cannot go unpunished by the technical savvy folks of today!

Representation

I reckon it is for the police and the courts to decide on this one don’t you?  One thing is for sure the outcome won’t be hard to find!

Accusation

The News of the World has completely over stepped the mark on ethical journalism.

It would appear that the parents of Holly Wells and Jessica Chapman, the two children murdered by Ian Huntley, were contacted by Scotland Yard detectives investigating phone hacking at the News of the World.

In addition revelations that the mobile phone of Milly Dowler, the schoolgirl who went missing in March 2002 and whose body was found six months after her disappearance, was also hacked by the News of the World.

Rebekah Brooks, who was editor of the News of the World at the time and is now chief executive of its parent company News International, is claiming that she knew nothing about the allegations of phone hacking.

Skelptarse is politically neutral however, in this case feels the need to quote a couple of politicians:

Ed Miliband, the Labour leader, said that Brooks should “consider her conscience and consider her position” as he called for a public inquiry into the hacking allegations and the conduct of the tabloid press as a whole.

The home secretary, Theresa May, told a committee of MPs: “I think it’s totally shocking; frankly, it’s disgusting. The mindset of somebody who thinks it’s appropriate to do that is totally sick.”

Recommendation

Rebekah Brooks should resign with immediate effect. All companies should boycott advertsing with the paper and the general public should stop buying and reading the News of the World and any assoicated publications now!

Representation

Skelptarse always provides the right of reply and awaits the justification for these actions…

Accusation

Despite it being Summer Solstice I was striding through Central Station on the rain induced, arse over tit, trip hazard of a floor, eager to get home after the dampest and most dismal of days!  I had just reached the narrow part of the station, just before you head down the escalators en route to the dingy,  lower level platforms, when an incident befitting of a skelptarse occurred!

A female was being dragged along in front of me by a chunky, low to the ground Pit Bull Terrier. In an instant the dog had arrested it’s stride and hunkered down and deposited, what can only be described as, “the skitters” all over the floor!!  The owner appeared to care not a jot, pulled on the dog’s lead and frog marched it down the stairs pronto, leaving a steaming, stinking pile of poo for all and sundry to slip and slide their way through!

Recommendation

Dog owners should carry pooper scooper equipment with them at all times!

Representation

There’s no excuse for such behaviour, that woman is responsible for creating a trip and health hazard of disgusting proportions whilst violating the concourse of Central Station!!  I reckon she put a lot of commuters off their dinner too!

She is wholeheartedly deserving of a SKELPTARSE, if you agree get skelping below – just do it!!!

Accusation

Angry, drunken revellers ran wild on Wednesday night after the Vancouver Canucks’ 4-0 loss to Boston in Game 7 of the NHL (National Hockey League) Stanley Cup finals, setting cars and garbage cans ablaze, smashing windows, showering giant TV screens with beer bottles and dancing a-top overturned vehicles.

Later, looters smashed windows and ran inside department stores. There were no immediate indications of injuries, although images were shown on television of at least one woman mopping blood from her forehead.

What makes a city want to turn on itself like this? … alcohol fueled madness.

Recommendation

Remember; It’s just a game.

When will they all learn? Zeros.

SKELP EM WE SAY!

Looks like people started without us!

Representation

Well, what have you got to say for yourselves? We’re listening….

Accusation

Strathclyde Police appear to think themselves above the law when it comes to parking on yellow lines, even the zig zag lines by pedestrian crossings!

On Glasgow’s Saltmarket they park with impunity wherever they like.  When questioned, they take umbrage that a member of the public should question their divine right to park where they like!  The usual excuse of ‘official’ business is trotted out, but it never appears to be urgent business requiring blue lights or arrests, just routine stuff.

When they do park in designated spaces, for example, outside the JP court, they never pay for a ticket, again using the excuse of ‘official’ business.  But surely anyone, especially witnesses, could be said to be there on official business, yet they all have to pay?

Glasgow parking wardens waltz blithely past, ignoring the lack of tickets in police vehicles to the adjacent private car, merrily slapping on a ticket for the odd minute over…

Why should the police be allowed to park wherever and whenever they like when on routine business or when buying their coffee and rolls ‘n sausage whilst everyone else runs the risk of the Glasgow Council parking Stasi?

Recommendation

The police are subject to the same laws and regulations as everybody else. Emergencies are, of course, different.  They need a great BIG skelptarse for their abrogation of responsibility to set an example.

Glasgow city parking deserve an even BIGGER skelptarse for their supine attitude of ignoring the transgressions of their police brethren…

Representation

OK, let’s be ‘avin your excuses then…

Accusation

I attempted to buy two tickets to a show at Glasgow’s Citizens Theatre and sadly it turned out to be much harder than it needed to be!

I chose two tickets, however the online system would not allow me to buy them so I called the box office. I was surprised and horrified when I was told by the operative that I could not have those tickets because it would leave one seat in that section and one seat was hard for them to sell!

Whilst I understand their plight it’s not my problem! As a regular theatre goer (this is is my first & last contact with the Citizens) I have never experienced anything like this anywhere else!

The issue was further compounded by the fact that my buying two tickets wouldn’t have left one seat for them to sell! However, it would have left one seat in that price bracket and a further two seats that they class as “restricted view”. When I put this to the operative he advised that “he cannot leave one seat in a price bracket” so unless I now suddenly wanted three seats I couldn’t have the seats I wanted despite them being on sale (apparently “on sale“ at the Citizens is different to everywhere else).

It wouldn’t have been quite so bad if the operative had not been so abrupt about it – customer service was not his strong point!

All in all it felt like a crass attempt to squeeze more money out of me. Not what I expect from the so called “Theatre of the People”.

Recommendation

Like every other theatre in Glasgow if a seat is for sale, for Christ sake sell it!

Representation

Very poor show